Inspiring people to BE.

Why Cope When You Can Live Healed?!

So, it happened. You found yourself in the middle of a situation that you never saw coming. You lost your job. Or your spouse left you. Or you found out that your best friend shared your most private secrets with someone else. Or flip it to the other side and you were the offender in the situation. You were fired for stealing. Or you left your spouse. Or you were the teller of your best friend's secrets. We have all been in positions where we felt like our world was crashing down around us. The pain that comes along with the situations mentioned above and many others feels insurmountable. When these types of things happen to us, it is very possible to feel like life, as we know it, is over. This is actually a truth. What we tend to do though, is focus on the loss that has been introduced, and instead of healing, we cope with the hand we were dealt by acting as if everything is ok when we are terribly troubled on the inside. We either try to ignore it altogether, or treat the situation as crippling instead of strengthening what's left. You know what's left?! YOU. Realizing this is the first step in the healing process. I've given tons of advice on self-love and appreciation. So, I won't get into much of that here. I do want you to know this though; you have to trust that the time and effort you've put into yourself is going to be there for you. Dealing with sucky situations is when you have to call that work forward; keeping the fact that you are not what happens to you at the forefront of your mind. You do, however, get to choose how you allow the experience to shape you.

The shaping begins with identifying your feelings and allowing yourself to feel them! We are taught that experiencing certain emotions is a display of weakness when it is, in fact, just the opposite. Carving out a space for someone or something to fill and then having it ripped away with or without warning is pretty painful. Feeling that pain is normal. Feeling that pain is normal. Feeling that pain is normal. It's as normal as it is to feel excited when good enters your life! However it makes you feel is ok! No matter the emotion, know that it is validated, and instead of trying to pretend that it's non-existent, acknowledge it. Feel it. Then decide what you're going to do with it. For some strange reason, we're "encouraged" to be "ok" in times when we should feel sadness and loss or embarrassment and guilt. These are normal, human emotions. Be honest with yourself about your own because once you have identified them, you'll know just how to counteract. You align yourself with a state of awareness when you allow yourself to emote. Otherwise, you can be stuck in a vicious cycle of the same because you didn't release yourself into the proper path.

It's very difficult to lie to yourself about what you're feeling because you're constantly telling yourself that you're not feeling what you know you're feeling or even numbing yourself to what you know you're feeling. It's even possible to mask it as self care and awareness. It is possible to be so tuned in to you that you allow it to overshadow things going on in the world around you. Don't allow yourself to get to the place where you are a flower blooming in a garden full of weeds. It's much easier, and way more freeing when you trust yourself with your own honesty. I know it may not seem that way because you have to go through more questioning and feeling in order to get to healing. Think about it this way though, would you want to spend your life going around the same loop, or would you rather explore and see as much of the beauty that surrounds you as you possibly can? You deserve to find out why you feel the way you do about whatever happened, and figure out what you can do to no longer feel that way. Take some time to reflect and focus on yourself and how you operate. Something that I've done in times past is take an evaluation of the things "it"/"they" brought to my life that enhanced it. What was I looking for in them that I needed to give to myself? I then started to do those things for myself. That created an atmosphere for nothing to be missed. If we understand the definition of healing, it's just that; it's a state of wholeness. Nothing is missing when you're healed. And you are whole all by yourself. When you give yourself permission to be whole, you tap into the abundance that we were created to experience in this life.

A part of that abundance is living in a state of forgiveness. In order to move past a situation, forgiveness MUST take place; Forgiveness of others and forgiveness of self. Often times, when we've been hurt, we implement coping mechanisms into our lives as a means of protection. While they may be necessary for the time being, it's super important not to allow them to become your normal. When a person breaks their arm, it is usually put into a cast to protect and allow it to heal properly. They then graduate to a sling, and then eventually to just their exposed arm again. Emotional healing goes through a very similar process. There will be things and/or people that you will want to avoid at all cost. Seeing them hurts. Being there hurts. Hearing that hurts. You may have to go through a period of cutting off those things that keep wounds fresh. Do not expect them to be present in order for YOUR healing to take place. It is not up to them...only you. I'm not saying that people can't be there for you during your process, but I am saying that they cannot go through the process for you. It is dependent solely upon you. Forgiveness can be one of the toughest parts of the healing process. It exposes your vulnerability in a major way! That is why wholeness is super important! Harboring unforgiveness keeps you in the sling; while forgiveness exposes you to the elements that once had the ability to hurt you. However, forgiveness extracts that power and projects it back onto you in the form of clarity! Removing the fog of unforgiveness allows you to see things for what they really are. Then, you have the ability to decide what you will and won't expose yourself to.

You can't unexperience your experiences, and inside of each experience you have, there are takeaways. How will you allow the not-so-pleasant ones to shape you? What will you learn and apply that causes your best self to step forward and BE?